kariskhaos


I Miss You Kristi
September 20, 2011, 8:33 am
Filed under: love, Parenting, stress | Tags: , , ,

I miss you Kristi. My sister, one of my truest friends, is missing. She is missing due to a mental illness called bi-polar disorder. I do not know much about it, I do not understand it, but, I really miss my sister.

I miss you Kristi. All my life she has been the one I have turned to in crisis, in joy, in embarrassment, shame, anger, fashion crisis, boyfriend issues, and parental problems. You name it, and we have talked, dissected, laughed, cried and probably fought over it. Now I am caught in this world with out her. She is still here physically, she thinks she is fine, but she is not.

I miss you Kristi. Mental illness is a cancer of the mind, and though it does not always kill you physically it can take your life away all the same. Treatment and medication have come a long way. This disease like so many, is controllable, but there is so much about the mind that remains unknown.

I miss you Kristi. My parents are at a loss, their grief and feelings of helplessness clearly painted on their faces as we search for a stability, an answer, a way to help. Boundaries are lost, money spent, and guilt plays with our minds. My parents love is unquenchable and I am honored to be a part of their family.

I miss you Kristi. I Skype with my sister Kathi everyday. I treasure our closeness as we find ways to cope with this new reality. We vent, and cry and laugh and search for the hope we know is still there. We talk about other things, and celebrate the gift of a new day. Kathi and her husband Scott are taking on Kristi’s beautiful son Evan, so he can finish his senior year of high school. Kathi is my hero.

I miss you Kristi. It has been a tough ride so far, I do not see a Disney ending where everything gets wrapped up in a perfect bow. I have faith that she will find herself again. I have hope that this is not a forever thing. I choose to live each day focusing on the good. I believe in a God who is bigger than any illness. I am confident we will all get through this.

I miss you Kristi. For now, that is just the way its going to be.

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