kariskhaos


A Slow Walk
October 14, 2011, 9:34 pm
Filed under: blessings, grief, love, Parenting, stress | Tags: , , , , , , ,

Sleep was sporadic last night as my brain went from finding a homecoming dress for Jessie to wondering what would happen at the commitment court date for my sister. I had the day off and was looking forward to a date with my husband. We had talked of long drives to see the changing leaves, a trip to a favorite Hot Spring, or maybe a movie.

When I got up my tummy was not feeling well, I just ached from all the love, pain, confusion and anger, that surrounded the decision that would be made today by strangers, regarding my sisters future. I ached for my parents, her friends, my sister and her husband but most of all for her son, Evan. How had it come to this? Why did loving someone involve so much heartache. Why was doing the right thing so hard? Will anyone of us be whole again?

Scott and I decided to go on a walk down by the river. A slow walk, on a beautiful day, in the town we love. We have not had very much ‘us’ time and this day was definitely needed for the ‘lovers’ side of our relationship. We held hands and basked in the warm sun as we looked out over the river. My heart was heavy with the burden of my extended family, and yet light with the knowledge of our four kids doing well and the simple joy of still being in love with my best friend.

We strolled along the path next to the river holding hands and observing the beautiful variety of colors, birds and dogs. We stopped on the bridge and Scott spotted an otter swimming up river. I love otters. I watched in awe, knowing what a gift from God this sighting was. A gentle reminder of who is in control. A hug from the world, letting me know all would be okay.

I looked into my husbands soft blue eyes and smiled. I did not need to say anything because he just knew. Twenty years of marriage will do that. I thought about my parents who just celebrated 51 years and am eternally grateful that their example that reminds me love will endure. It is not always pretty, or romantic or even slightly sexy. Love endures, and keeps no record of wrong. Love hurts, heals, hurts and heals again. Love sometimes looks scary, is difficult to do, and is hard, so very hard to understand. Love forgives and love always, always, always wins.

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