The Tension of Opportunity
October 18, 2011, 11:33 am
Filed under: blessings, humor, love, organization, Parenting, stress, Teenagers | Tags: , , , , ,

Last week Scotty had a phone interview with a hospital in Eugene for a full-time chaplain. We of course need to pursue every opportunity that comes our way. This brings out my fears, dreams, anger, excitement and a whole host of other feelings. My biggest hope, desire and dream has been to stay living in Bend until all our kids have graduated from high school. I want them to know the stability and opportunity of being raised in one home. In having friends from grade school that you graduate with. I love Bend and I love our home and the community we have built here.

My husband is an amazing, hard-working man. He has been in job limbo for a few years. It is starting to grate on his self-esteem, our finances and our concern for the future. He too loves it in Bend. Scott also wants our kids to graduate from Bend High School. We are torn in our financial responsibilities and what is ‘best’ for our family as a whole.

Friday, Scott got the call that they would like him to come for a personal, in-depth interview. My first, gut reaction was “oh shit” why do you have to be so good? We had been told it would be a couple of weeks before we heard anything and now they wanted him to interview the following week. So much for time to really think about it.

Sunday we were at church and the sermon and music were themed about letting go. Nothing we own or do is truly ours, and everything should be held loosely. Shit again, am I holding on too tight? What if he gets this job? Where do you draw the lines and how do you weigh the options with intangibles and practical.

Today is his interview. I want him to do well, I want to trust that it will all work out. I want to allow for the possibility of change being good. I really want to throw up. Let go and let God, His will be done, and oh by the way I am really confused and conflicted and hate it. So I live in the tension, swaying both ways at different moments. We will survive either way and I thank God for the amazing gift of choice, free will, and to be living in a country where options are the norm and not the exception. Wine and chocolate will also be consumed in larger quantities than normal.
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8 Comments so far
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Yes. I’m there with you. I’ve actually been thinking a lot lately about what one of your kids asked you several years ago, “Mom, don’t we believe that God has good things in store for us no matter what?” Yes. We do. And I really want to throw up these days, too.

Comment by Alissa

oh alissa, i know you are living my dilemma right now. praying and loving you!

Comment by Kari

Kari, praying HIS best for you.. and the grace (and figure out) to accept whatever that may be.

Comment by Jane

Thanks Jane, wine and chocolate are good but Grace is better

Comment by Kari

Let me know if you want company with all that wine and chocolate! I know about letting go. It sucks. Then it’s okay. It really is. Love you.

Comment by Stephanie Tadjiki

Stephanie I would love a wine and chocolate night with you! Lets set it up! Thanks for your thoughts and prayers and honesty.

Comment by Kari

Your plate is overflowing on more than one front. Have been thinking about you and your family a lot lately. Time answers all and chocolate and wine do help ease the waiting process.
Love, Sherrie K.

Comment by Sherrie Kilborn

thanks for reading! That made my day! I appreciate the thoughts and really value your friendship with my mom as I know she has needed you greatly through all this stuff with Kristi. Love you! Big hug to Ken and the dogs too 🙂

Comment by Kari

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