Breathe Kari, breathe John

I always hold my breath until after the appointment. I do not realize that I am doing this until the doctor says “Okay mom, you can breathe” I laugh a foolish laugh and silently say a prayer of thanksgiving. Its been a year since we went to the eye doctor, John said he thought his vision was changing so i made the dreaded phone call to our wonderful friend and doctor. Luckily, he could see us quickly, so the stress did not build too much, but still it is a quiet fear that disguises itself in insomnia.

For over ten years, we have been going back and forth to the doctor with an attitude of hope that this would be the time we would get good news. We would place bets on the pressure in his eyes and yell at the evil black eye that would never cooperate. I would come home after each appointment and cry even if the news was good.

It has been a great few weeks with John. He has been responsive, engaged and participatory. I have pinched myself, thanked God, and waited for the other shoe to drop. This trend is too good to be true, so I try to enjoy each moment not knowing if there will be another. I wrote a blog on living with a volcano and so the dormancy has been unusually long and I keep expecting something , anything, to set it off again.

When I made the appointment I knew that this could be the catalyst that sent him back into the darkness,(no pun intended) back to a state of anger and bitterness. This was all on my mind as we went into the office. Today the news was surprisingly good, his right eye tested at the best it has done and the left eye has not lost any more vision. The pressure was stable and other than a new prescription for his glasses we were set to go. John and I looked at each other and smiled, true genuine, heartfelt smiles. Breathe Kari, breathe John, we can ride this wave a bit longer. For today we will celebrate, we picked out hip new frames and we walked out the door in one accord. Thank God its Friday, thank God for life, thank God for one more day without an eruption.


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