A Divided Heart
January 24, 2012, 11:20 pm
Filed under: blessings, discipline, humor, love, Parenting, sports, Teenagers | Tags: , , , ,

My heart is just beginning to settle down. I sip my wine, the hum of the dishwasher the back round music, as I write tonight. Ever since my boys came home last evening, the tension in my heart has been a steady push, and pull, on the extremes of my emotions. I have written about the joys of having two brothers on the same basketball team. I have shared the pride, and joy I have to see the two of them playing together, at the same time.

Christian, my freshman came home last night excited to announce he was asked by the coaching staff to only play two quarters of the JV basketball game so he would be available to play three quarters in the Varsity. Three of the Varsity boys were being disciplined for some poor judgments in their weekend activities, and they wanted him to be the seventh man on the rotation. Holy Cow Christian, that is so great I am so happy for you, are you excited? He shrugs and looks at Isaac.

Isaac, my junior, did not have a happy look on his face. He gave a small smile and said in an exasperated voice that they had asked another player, a sophomore, also to play up, and from what he understood, this player would play before him. He had a ton of homework, and two tests the next day, he was frustrated and mad at the coaches. Oh Isaac, I am so sorry, what can I do for you? He shrugs and goes to his room.

I am torn between excitement for Christian and angst for Isaac. Isaac is not upset with Christian, nor is he jealous because he knows how hard Christian works. He is the first to point out how much Christian practices, and since they play different positions, it has not been too much of a direct competition between them. For this I am very thankful. Yet, I still have a divided heart, and feel stuck between the two emotions.

As parents you try to be fair and you want the best for all your children, now in a public display, one child will be highlighted, and one will ride the bench. There is no logical reason for this, nothing we can pinpoint as to why Isaac is being over-looked. He does not want to ask the coaches, and Scott and I must respect his choice. So my heart breaks for Isaac and is elated for Christian. That’s a lot for one heart to take.

I want to be able to talk to Scott about it as we go to bed, and in the middle of the night if I need to, but he is in Eugene, and I bear the brunt of my over-emotional personality by my self. Scott too is torn, even more so, by not being able to be at the first big varsity game for Christian. We both know there will be more games, there will be other disappointments and challenges for all four of our children. Knowing the truth and getting the message to your heart are often very different things.

Life is not a fairytale, and things happen, both good, and bad. Sometimes, they happen at the same time, in the same family. I guess that why God gave me two arms, one to lovingly hold a child in need, and one to high-five another in excitement. Thank God I am not an octopus.


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