kariskhaos


Saturday Story Time: Love Language
January 28, 2012, 2:19 pm
Filed under: blessings, books, humor, love, Parenting, Teenagers | Tags: , , , , ,

If I could ever recommend one book for all parents to read it would be “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell,M.D.. There are different editions of this book, one for marriage, one for children and one for teenagers. They have the same basic principle in all of them but tweak the ideas to fit the role you are playing, in loving, another person. No matter what kind of relationship you are in, if you love someone please read this book.

The overall concept of this book is that we all give and receive love in different ways. They have it broken down into the following; Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. In any edition you find there are quick tests you can answer for yourself or your loved one that help you figure out their predominate love language. It has great ideas for how to express your love in this language so your partner, child, teenager etc., will receive your love.

Scott and I had known about this book for years. We had skimmed it over and he had used it in his pre-marital counseling. When I was struggling with trying to make sure all four kids knew that I loved them I bought the children’s edition and read it cover to cover in one night. I was fascinated, thrilled, surprised and mad at myself for not reading it earlier. I talked to Scott about it and processed it with him long into the night.

At one point after we had gone over all the definitions of the five languages I asked Scott what he thought my love language was. He gave me a sheepish grin and said well I am pretty sure it is Gifts but I have been trying to make it Acts of Service for the last ten years. It was a light bulb moment for both of us. Our general tendency is to love how we want to be loved. I write Scott notes, get him little gifts, find cute, creative ways to express my love to him and all he really wants me to do is make sure the house is clean, help with a project outside, or just hand him a beer before he has asked for it. He in turn, busts his but to make sure our yard is perfect, does the laundry, will make the bed and on and on when I really would like him to just bring me flowers, surprise me with a date night he has planned, write me a note for no reason at all.

We all have a love language and when love is being expressed to us in this language we are more receptive, understanding and apt to “feel loved.” It is not an answer to every question, it is not formulaic, and love is way more complicated than these five suggestions. I am not trying to over simplify or over complicate anything. I just found that these idea’s hit me right in the heart, and as I considered each of my children it was very clear that they did indeed have one predominate love language. It has been a huge help for me to recognize this and try to meet their needs through the language that they need.

For the next few Saturdays I will be sharing what I have learned about my four very different kids and how they most want to be loved. My hope is that it will inspire you to be creative in how you love the significant people in your life. This is not easy, it is often counter intuitive, but I have found it well worth the time,(when I remember to take the time) and effort. Isaac’s love language of choice is Quality Time, John’s is Acts of Service(he was the toughest to figure out) Christian is Words of Affirmation, and Jessie girl is Physical Touch. Knowing this and actually changing my style of loving to meet their needs has been an ongoing process of trial and error. I am far from perfecting, or even consistently implementing these idea’s, and would love feedback or maybe things that have worked for you and your kids. Parenting and loving others in general is not a simple process but I am thankful for insight and research from others that help me along the way. “The Five Love Languages” is one of the best resources I have found.

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4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Such a great book! 🙂

Comment by ameliaclaire92

thanks for commenting, if you have time please share with me how it has helped you in a relationship. I wouls love to hear!

Comment by Kari

Great minds…! 🙂 I have the one for couples and teens at the top on my reading stacks right now. (I started the teen edition last year and let it get buried under other books.) Thanks for the further encouragement to get (back) on these.

Comment by Transitioning Mom

I think we are truly kindred spirits. Let me know if you discover anything particularly helpful cause it may help me too!

Comment by Kari




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