kariskhaos


Managing Monday’s: Mom’s Mess Up Too!

Managing Monday’s: Mom’s Mess Up Too!

It had been a long week, and now in a blink, it was Sunday again. Time to say goodbye to Scott, and to get ready for a new week. Isaac had been pushing my buttons in every possible way the entire weekend. I can usually tolerate his obnoxiousness, his smile, and easy charm, win over my frustration, and angst, almost always. Tonight was the exception to the rule.

It is finals week, and Isaac has done his usual procrastination, do the least to get the grade, skate by, and claim it was my best work. He has three classes that he is borderline with an A or a B. I feel like I have been riding his butt all semester. He feels like I have been an unreasonable tyrant who is over obsessed with grades. I feel like he is lazy and spends entirely too much of his time playing on his PS3, watching horror movies,”Two and a half Men” or some other dumb sitcom he has discovered on Netflix. Isaac informs me I am overreacting, under appreciative and my expectations are way too high.

We are having our family meeting to go over the week and Isaac is antsy to be done. I am on the edge, and he acts like it is going to absolutely kill him if he has to be with us for more than five minutes. Scott says his goodbyes and off he goes. I turn and look at the kitchen, which is a disaster zone. I realize chores have not been done, and I go hunting. I open the door to the study room and three of the four kids are watching a tv show.

I really do not know what I said, I was a bull seeing red and the steam was pouring out of my ears. I focused in on Isaac, and let him have it. I tore him up one side and down the other. he of course argued, joked and worked hard to piss me off more. the other two tried to slip out the door un scathed. My mouth was working overtime and my brain was no where in sight. I threatened grounding for the rest of his home life if he did not get all A’s. I said words I can not print, it was ugly. Isaac being Isaac, calmly waited through my storm, and then told me I was exaggerating. He bravely, and stupidly, told me I was being silly, and not making any sense.

I walked out, but not before I had jumped on him, tickled him, hit him, and brought Gus in to help me drive the frustration home. I made some fairly reasonable demands, promised death or worse for not following through, and went to the family room to watch “Pete’s Dragon”. This is my favorite Disney movie of all time. I calmed down, sang along with the film, laughed at how cute Elliot was, and realized what a jerk I had been. Isaac had definitely provoked me, but my reaction was fueled by my stress of Scott leaving and my own insecurities of being a single parent for the week again.

After the movie was over I called Isaac in to the family room. He shuffled in, sat on the couch and smiled. I told him I was sorry. I should not have gone off like that, and though much of what I said was true, I was sorry. I explained my stress, my need for control when so much is out of my control and my need for him to step up. In typical Isaac fashion, he said “so I won’t be grounded for all my life?” I laughed, “only half.”

As parents I think that one of the most important things we can teach our children is the power of forgiveness. I need it every bit as much as they do. We all mess up, mom’s and dad’s too. I can be wrong. When I say I am sorry, I do not think I lose any authority, nor does it condone the behavior I was upset about. In being willing to admit I was wrong, I am giving my children the freedom to admit when they are wrong too. I am opening the door to true grace, and the Lord knows, I need it. Now we can both sleep peacefully, at least until the report card comes.

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4 Comments so far
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So true Kari! If we can’t apologize to our children for our blunders, how can we expect them to do it themselves?

Comment by Barb Stoefen

Barb,
Just so you know you are one of my angels of encouragement and I am so thankful for you

Comment by Kari

I whole heartedly agree. I get it, I only lasted 3 1/2 months before I said enough & started making serious plans to join Shawn. Again Kari, I enjoy your blog tremendously!! It feels like a piece of Bend!! Thank you!!!

Comment by Cathy Walther

Cathy! So good to know people who get me. Thanks for the kind words and know your support is a treasure to me

Comment by Kari




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