Saturday Story Time: Love Languages; Physical Touch

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Saturday Story Time: Love Languages; Physical Touch

“Can I sleep in your bed tonight?” my fourteen year old daughter asks? Sure but only if you bring your own blankets cause you always steal mine. I am siting at the computer Skyping my sister, Jessie comes in and sits down on my lap, or comes behind me for a hug over the chair. If you are sitting on the couch she sits almost on top of you but not quite, and if we go to see a movie she wants to be next to me. Jessie is very ticklish and loves to wrestle with her brothers. It has not been a tough thing for me to figure out that her primary love language is physical touch.

Last week I introduced the book and the concept of love languages. The book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell has greatly impacted my parenting and has made a difference in my relationships with all people I come into contact with. The overall concept of this book is that we all give and receive love in different ways. They have it broken down into the following; Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. We all have a love language and when love is being expressed to us in this language we are more receptive, understanding and apt to “feel loved.”

Jessie was the easiest to discover and for me the easiest to offer. I too am a touchy, huggy, person. I can not have a conversation with you for more than a minute without touching you in some way. All children, no matter the age, need the affirmation of love through physical touch. If your child’s primary love language is physical touch it becomes even more important. As stated on page 40 of the book “A tender hug communicates love to any child, but it shouts love to these children”(italics mine)

I have been asked how we have raised such a confident, beautiful, young woman. Jessie is independent, very intelligent, very good at sports and has a heart so tender and compassionate it belay’s her fourteen years. She has a healthy self-esteem and is very comfortable in her own skin. She has many guy friends, but best of all she has close, meaningful relationships with other girls. I do not worry about her being sexually irresponsible or getting pressured to do any thing she does not want to do.

We are very close, but I believe that Jessie is this way largely because of her relationship with her dad. Scott has recognized her need for touch at a young age and honored it with wrestling matches, tickling fights, teaching her to fly fish, spinning her around until they both fell down dizzy as well as daily hugs. He has held her as she cried and only rolled his eyes a few times. Scott has never been afraid to show his love through touch whether it was pulling her pig tails or picking her up after she tripped over her own two feet.

The other way Scott has affirmed her in this area has been in how he loves me. We are affectionate around our children. They see us kiss, and hug, and joke with each other. They have groaned as we dance in the kitchen or snuggle on the couch. We still hold hands and give casual touches all through the day. Jessie observes this and absorbs love through our touch as well.
I know that this kind of physical touch is not natural for everyone. You may have come from a stoic home that does not hug. That’s okay you can learn, and it will be vital to your child that you do. I started with my easiest, next week we will look at Christian and words of affirmation. For a woman with words streaming from her mouth night and day, you would think this would have been another easy one for me, but it has not been the case. Love languages are not easy, they take work, I thank God that he gave me a girl who is so easy to love.


2 Comments so far
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You are so right in your thinking, and how lovely it is to have such a balanced child. This books sounds a little bit like Eric Berne’s “Games People Play”, thank you for posting this, I look forward to reading more.

Comment by skyonfire17

Thanks for the encouraging comment! I will be checking out your blog on a regular basis as just reading your introduction had me hooked!

Comment by Kari

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