kariskhaos


Managing Monday’s: The Importance of Affirmation

Managing Monday’s: The Importance of Affirmation

Hey Lila, thanks for being so patient with me today. “What you say?” she asks me. Thank you. “For what?” Well,dyou were very nice today to let me finish washing my pans before we could read. You did a good job of not whining, and reading a book to yourself until I got here. Lila smiles a huge smile, and says “Your wecome, Kawi. Can we read now?” Jessie gets home from school and immediately tells me about some special awards she got today as a part of academic achievement week. It would be easy to blow it off or not comment because she is always doing so well. I stop what I am doing, listen to her, repeat what she has said to me, and congratulate her. Then we call dad to tell him too.

From the time we are born till the time we die, we need positive affirmation. The statistics of needing seven positive statements for very one negative never ceases to amaze me. We hear loud and clear the criticism and tune out the positive to the point that it literally takes me telling my son that I think he is smart seven times for every time one of his friends, siblings, or his own self talk, tells him he is not. This is true for every human being. In the movie Pretty Woman the main character is talking to her lover in bed and he is asking her why she became a hooker. He then tells her that he thinks she has a lot of potential. Her comment always stays with me. “The bad stuff is easier to believe.”

I have been hounding Isaac about his grades and his need to keep them up. Scott and I have harped on him as the oldest child probably more than any other. He brought home his transcript today as he is forecasting his senior year classes. He has a 3.7 cumulative GPA. I commented on it, told him I was proud of him. I mentioned it a few more times in our conversation. At one point, he stopped joking around, looked at me, and said “Really mom, you think its okay? Its good enough?” Isaac is by far the most confident and cocky of my four children. His voice in the question was earnest. The power of affirmation is astounding.

I am generally a very positive person, I am a half full kinda gal. I can live off a sincere heartfelt compliment for months. As parents and role models we need to find ways to be the affirmer in our kids lives. I believe you can not hold a baby too much, you can not spoil a child by loving them, and affirmation needs to be a pro-active part of communicating your love and acceptance of another. It is easy to think they already know, or if I tell them too much they will get a big head, or they really are annoying me so I can’t think of anything positive to say. Trust me I know. I feel that way too.

I am writing to remind myself that 7 to 1 is a big differential. Maybe tomorrow I can make the conscious effort to be sure I am at least in the 4 to 1 range. And maybe, just maybe my kids will start to believe the good stuff.

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2 Comments so far
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What a great post! Compliments are so awesome. If I get one, I find myself smiling for a long time. I give them freely. they are free!!!!

Comment by 5kidswdisabilities

Thanks so much for your support and for reading my blog. It is always good to hear that what you write is reaching someone!

Comment by Kari




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