kariskhaos


Managing Monday’s: I am in charge of my own self care

Managing Monday’s: I am in charge of my own self care

 

Besides writing a daily blog, caring for my four teenagers, being a nanny to a two and a half-year old twenty-five hours a week, working in a clothing shop a couple of nights a week and sometimes Saturday’s, I started a small side business a year ago  called Kari’s Kitchen.  I make one main course a week and sell it to friends, and friends of friends, who like me, are crazy busy, and often do not have the time or the inclination to cook.

I provide one home cooked meal a week that no-one has to think about, and is ready to go.  I have traditionally made it on Sunday’s so it is ready for pick up on Monday’s.  My menu has varied but usually every month has a pasta dish, a soup or chile, enchiladas, meatloaf or some kind of slow cooked meat.  It has been very successful and given us an extra hundred dollars a week that has eased our budget just a bit.

I enjoy cooking, I love seeing my friends weekly when they pick up, or I drop off their meals, and the positive feedback about my cooking is very good for the ego.  My kids do not generally tell me what an amazing cook I am.  I also have an unbelievably good Quiche recipe that people rave about and I offer along with any choice of the week.

I have managed to get in a pretty established routine with making Sunday’s my shopping and cooking day.  It has worked well and I though it was important people have their meal at the beginning of the week.  In January, when Scott took his new position as an ICU Chaplain in a city two and a half hours from us, we did not think to change anything. I would often end up cooking very late at night or early in the morning the day the food was to be delivered.

This last weekend, Scott did not even come home till Saturday Night.  The last thing I wanted to worry about in our limited time together was Kari’s Kitchen.  I struggled with guilt, responsibility, and obligation to my customers.  I chose to play with my kids and my husband.  At two in the morning, I woke up full of anxiety, and fear that somehow I would lose my small business because of my choices. While a $100.00 a week may not seem like much it is a huge boon to our budget.  I was working my way into a real attack.

Then like a bucket of ice water thrown over my head I realized that I was in charge.  It was my business, if it did not work for me, than what the hell was I doing it for.  This may seem very obvious, but for a people pleasing, budget scraper this was big stuff.  I composed the e-mail in my head and went back to sleep.  At six when I sent the e-mail out, I had almost talked my self out of it.  I  send a prayer and pushed send, this is what went out:

Due to circumstances totally in my control, I chose to spend my Sunday with my family in the sun.  I did not do one bit of cooking or shopping. I chose to take care of myself and my family. I know you all get this, so I am letting you know that your dinner will be available Tomorrow.I think I might be switching to Tuesday delivery as a rule now that my husband is gone during the week, and our time together over the weekends are precious.  Thanks for your support and for being such wonderful women in my life. Let me know if you are okay with Tuesday’s for the future,

love and laughter, Kari

The responses I heard back were all positive and affirming. Tuesdays were fine, whatever worked for me and my family. It was a small step towards granting myself the permission to be in control of my own life. It is something I would never have had the courage to do in the past. Hey, maybe I am growing up after all.

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